Below are definitions of actions used in normal social interactions. Placed on either end of a continuum, the first action is positive and socially acceptable and the second action is used solely to gain power and/or hurt and humiliate another. Drawing distinctions between the behaviors helps adults and students identify and change hurtful behaviors.

Joking or Kidding versus Taunting
Joking or kidding with a friend is a way to tease each other in a kind way. It is done with no malicious intent and if it bothers the person who is being joked with, the joker will stop.

Taunting is calling someone names with the intent to hurt another person, and to feel more powerful than the person who is being taunted.

Telling versus Tattling
Telling is reporting to an adult when a person sees something cruel happening to oneself or others. The intention of the reporting is to keep another person, or the teller, safe from harm.

Tattling is telling an adult something someone else has done to get attention or to get them in trouble. Tattling includes exaggerating a harmless incident or lying to an adult about what some else did. (Barbara Coloroso describes the difference on pages 134-135 in her book “The Bully, The Bullied, and The Bystander,” 2003)

The elementary school statement is: “Telling is keeping someone or you safe and tattling is getting someone in trouble.”

Flirting versus Sexual Harassment
Flirting is giving attention to someone who you find attractive. If that attention makes the person uncomfortable, the person flirting will apologize and not do it again.

Sexual harassment is using sexual language or actions to hold power over someone else. This is neither playful nor healthy social behavior. There are legal ramifications for behavior that is deemed sexual harassment.

Sharing versus Gossiping
Sharing is telling information about a friend to another friend to keep a mutual acquaintance updated.

Gossiping is telling people secrets you promised not to tell others, telling people about someone else in order to get more attention from others, telling people a lie about someone to get back at them, or exaggerating the truth about what someone did to make them look bad to others. The intent of gossiping is malicious.

Other Sets To Explore:

Good popular versus bad popular; Cooperation versus competition; Being a good friend versus being a bad friend; Gentle irreverence (playful kidding) versus sarcasm (mean-spirited)

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